Serenity Now!

I just got back from my walk, during which, I decided to write about my new goals. During my walks, I’m always thinking of writing: either whatever I’m currently working on or what my next post will be. Sometimes, it’s what I’ll say in an e-mail to someone. Whatever comes to mind. I usually think of something just perfect and then lose it by the time I get home. (I need to get a little voice recorder to take with me.) Anyway, this is the most recent topic I thought of today.

In early recovery, my goals were minute to minute and grew to day to day. I lived with my parents that first year and I remember Dad and I counting the number of days I’d been sober. Ten days, for me, seemed like an eternity. Then fifteen, twenty, thirty… I didn’t count in months until I had ninety days of sobriety. The goals were small, but maybe the biggest I’ve ever set for myself.

As I got more sober time, my goals became more global in the sense that they were bigger than the next day. I set goals for getting a job, getting an apartment for my son and myself, etc. People in recovery, especially AA, are big about the whole “one day at a time” thing, and it’s true. There comes a time, though, when thinking long term becomes necessary.

At first, I felt so pessimistic about everything. Certain I would fail, it was hard to push myself beyond my comfort zone. Every time I succeeded, it became a little easier to push myself even further. But sometimes, it’s the little things that are huge.

New goals: every morning I get up at 5 am and write 1000 words toward whatever project I’m working on. Then I drive people to developmental therapy, come home and walk 5 miles. Everything after that is gravy. That’s it. Simple things, but huge to me, and when I follow through, I’m elated.

Next goal: shaving my legs more than twice a year.

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